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Are you going through a wilderness season right now? Whatever your wilderness feels like, God's got you there for a reason. Your response to the dryness, the silence, the barrenness, will determine whether you'll wander through it and pass into an oasis, or if you'll have to set up camp and stay for awhile.
There has been a wilderness of silence in my life that began last year. It's a time where if the Lord is even speaking, the voice is distant. The Lord is leading me this month to share what I've learned from the wilderness of silence in order to help others get through it themselves.
I would speak with the Lord as a dialog between friends. I'd go for a walk and start a conversation, and He would dialog with me about what was on my heart. I'd speak, then while my question was still on my lips, His wisdom that surpasses my own would gently penetrate my mind with an answer. I got to know His voice that way, and looked forward to those times. Over time however, I started to perceive that those walks felt one-sided. Eventually I felt in my spirit that what I was hearing was no longer Him, but my imagination. He was silent. Of course, just like Jesus was tempted by the devil, I was tempted to wonder if I had ever heard Him at all. By the end of last year, I rarely heard His voice in the way that I used to, and there I was in the midst of a desert with nothing but silence, confusion, and the tempter.
At times the Holy Spirit will strip away certain things from our lives to teach us to better depend upon Him. Sometimes it feels like He strips away our rights, our relationships, our provision... or, dreadfully, the sensation of His voice or His presence. How do we reconcile the perception that He is distant with the promise that He is always with us?
Start with changing your perception and depend on the promise. The exhortation to "draw near to God and He will draw near to you" seems right in theory, but when the experience of His presence is lacking, the only way to honor your relationship with Him is to confess what appears to contradict your experience. That's faith. You cannot survive the wilderness by depending on your feelings. Trust me! I make alot of decisions based on feelings, and He wants to wean me from that.
God asks us to live a life of faith. It takes a measure of faith to act upon what the Lord has directed us to do. It takes a greater measure of faith to act upon a vague impression without clear direction, and nothing to go on other than "it feels right". Keep it simple in the wilderness and don't make any big decisions from that place. Whether or not He directs you in the way you're used to being directed, just do what your heart calls you to do and pay attention to His peace. See it as a place of rest. Perhaps you are going through a silent wilderness because you have a bigger assignment coming up that He wants to trust you with. That assignment will require a much deeper relationship and dependency upon Him.
Be careful that spiritual disciplines aren't a means to an end. By that I mean you shouldn't read scripture and pray fervently as the means to regain what you feel you've lost (you haven't lost anything anyway, things are just different). Disciplines flow out of your passion, and come alive in the context of your relationship with Father. By themselves they do not create passion. Reading scripture and praying fervently during the wilderness can keep you grounded in faith, but they aren't a means to "feel God".
The counsel of others is important, but be discerning of that the counsel you receive. Someone who isn't wired like you and hasn't gone through what you're going through may not relate to you in a helpful way, and may even create false hope if you try to follow their path out of the wilderness. This is your journey, and it's a very private one that God has made just for you. The God who knows you will take you where you need to go.
God is never silent. He may be changing how He is speaking to you so that you don't depend upon principles or procedures, but rather His presence. It's easy to miss the direction of the Lord if it isn't packaged in a way we're used to. Stay near Him and direct your efforts with a laser focus of looking for Him in different ways. But don't stop looking for Him. When you pray, don't come to Him just looking for answers. Just still your heart and relax in His presence. Otherwise your prayer times will reinforce the feeling that you have to plead for the Presence that you already carry. Know in your heart and declare it in faith that you HAVE Him, that He loves you and speaks to you.
Don't blame yourself for the wilderness. There is nothing you can do that would cause Him to withdraw His love or promises. Examine your heart for sin, but don't waste time in the devil's trap of thinking you've done something wrong. There is a wilderness of discipline for sin, but it feels very different, and His voice is very clear there.
You are not alone. Everyone goes through this in some measure. Even Jesus was thrust into the Wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After all of that, He stayed obedient to the Father. The result? He was ministered to by angels, strengthened, and thrust into His destiny, and left the wilderness "full of Holy Spirit and power". Embrace the wilderness. You'll go through it anyway, why not learn from it? Remember that God sometimes just draws us into the wilderness in order to draw us to himself. (Hosea 2:14).
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